Walking in the Wilderness
The Light
Phyllis's third book of her journey along the spirual path. Is this enlightenment? This is how she begins:
"It is Thanksgiving today, just as so many holidays have come before, but this one is different somehow, marking a new transition into adventure, my coming of age, I think, as a spiritual healer in the universe. The path getting here has been the hardest and longest in memory I have known – taking me back to the past, leaping through the future, back to center and present again, accounting for all I am, all I have dared to be, all I have dreamed I could be and now claim.
The writing so long ago was the vehicle I think, to carry me through each transition, so I could see it in progress and know that I was moving forward, not just stagnant in time … hanging mid-air in one downspout or another while I prayed for levity and sanity to save me. I don’t know how to explain to others really, what it is like to leap like this in faith and just go with your gut and soul. To stand up against all of the naysayers, all of your friends turned critics who talk a blue streak trying to get you to see the world through their binoculars, so they can save you from your idiocy they say … save you from yourself. But every time that happens, magic happens too … something inside congeals in a way it did not come together before so you see a clearer picture of the journey, and what the purpose is behind it, and why you are so driven against all odds to succeed. It’s like a huge universal puzzle with so many intricate pieces that it makes your heart spin just thinking about the hope that is required to unravel the theme, and put each piece in its destined place… But then, when you least expect it, as each adventure in adversity unfolds, something inside just slides in place, and you wake up with another part of the puzzle solved, seeing a bit better this time, how it all works behind the scenes, this faith thing.
On certain days, when chaos is cleared, like today, and your soul is in sync with the universe, you ‘get it’ that it is all by design, this puzzle, and your role in it as the one who illuminates and discovers missing pieces. Sort of like this huge lost and found, but only for people, lost souls and travelers, just like you, not toys or things or objects with little regard or value in the cosmic scheme. In this place, where everything fits and gets there on time, every time, it is all about Divinity in action and Purpose and Destiny fulfilled. It is about unconditional love and saving grace, not face, when a soul is on the line and in need of help. Here, in this cosmic outpost where battered and betrayed souls gather, it is about finding everything and losing nothing, and claiming hope, not sorrow, and needing salvation more than something ‘less’ to salvage out of nothing.
It is easy for me to get lost in the rhetoric at times, because I have never understood really, why it is so necessary for me to do this alone. Try and explain my life to someone else, would you? That I am a new age prophet, living a dream, carrying out the destiny just as God promised me I would in voiceover dreams dating back to 1997 when I first sensed it … this pull to be engaged in the universe, this need to be a part of something bigger than me, and such a commanding sense of urgency, back then, and purpose, because Humanity was on the line and calling.
I lost a lover of three years because of that call, because she did not believe that I was writing music for God, that it was God I was responding to in my dreams. She thought I was having a secret affair, and I guess in a way it is true, because there was no way to explain it in realistic terms, this urgent need to connect with my soul and the universe and God. And my desperate call for understanding, help in those days, even in the midst of a loving relationship that was never about love, and was always about need. Here's the song that got me into so much trouble:
It started, this journey, just as a seed of inspiration, I recall. A gentle waking in my soul that told me it was time to claim my place in the universe and I had to get ready. I knew so little about spiritual things … even less about myself, in truth, than all I claimed to know and understand about others and other things. It was a time in my life when structure saved me from sorting out patterns in a riddled past, and kept me focused on tangible outcomes I could see and touch and know as an absolute thing. There was little need or room for evolution then, in my rose-colored world, because it was ordered and made sense to me, even if there was still this tugging in a tender soul of something more to be known than all of that. And it’s hard to say how it came into consciousness that thread … but the more I wriggled it, the more it unraveled me … to the core, at times, just struggling to hang on, because the mystery in and of itself was madness.
Knowing quite tangibly that I was being manipulated, directed, forced in a direction I could not see, because I could feel it. Yet, knowing all the way to the core of me, it was to protect me, too … and prepare me for something quite beyond my level of comprehension and skill at the time. I knew I was being readied for this: my leap into the universe. And now, seven years later, almost 8, I still connect the journey to a sense of leadership and a series of dreams, telling me it was time to go, to leave the world I knew behind and grow. It all began as a dream …"
eBook (PDF Format)
$9.90 US