Oh, This Eager Heart Believe

Oh, This Eager Heart Believe 
(Waiting in the Wings … )   

How do I get this anger out of my soul, Lord,
Free it from my heart, so I can see what you see,
Believe what you believe, and just Be –
Secure and safe in the knowledge that you are with me,
Guiding me every step of the way, even when I can't see
Or feel or taste your Love –
Or see the Plan – grand, it must be
In the scheme of cosmic things –

I have to pray so hard just to keep it all tamed,
This rampant disappointment in Humanity, and
Others, and You, I suppose, let alone Me – the
One with all the potential and promise, or so
They all said, my family and friends, Once –
But, as few as there are those who count in my
Heart, there are fewer still where I count in theirs,
And it saddens me so, to know this –

That my legacy will be that of a solo trek and
Journey through a wilderness domain that no
Other ever sought to travel – or seek, in quite the
Same way as this journey has unfolded – so bereft
Of company and encouragement.  Or, when it comes,
It is only from those who have learned how to mimic
The sounds and look of approval, wanting to make
Sure that there is something on record that makes
Me think it is genuine, but it never is, Lord, it has
Never been.

And this, in an innocent heart, is the worst betrayal,
Because I cannot see them otherwise:  except to believe
That the interest is real, and that the accolades are well-
Meant and deserved.  But over and over and over again,
I am touched by the depth of incapacity in those who
Have not yet learned to be Real.   It is easier I guess, to
Mock and ridicule me, or worse, placate any sense of
Expectation I might have by going through the motions
Of Sincerity.     

How shallow it always rings, that sound,
Hardly disguised, as if it could be.  When an eager heart
Is on the line, waiting in the wings.  

What is worse: to feign an interest or express none at all?
I'd rather the honesty of Truth.

Atlanta, GA – InTown Suites - December 06, 2005
Vol 46:  Crosses  & Crossroads [The Adirondack House]
April 24, 2005 – June 21, 2005   Transcribed Jan, 8, 2006

©2005 Phyllis A Travis